For those who don’t know it, here’s a newsflash: My husband, Troy, is younger than me. By about four years to be exact. And this age difference has never really caused us any problems … until now.
As many of you who have crossed the bridge into middle age know, the changing of your eyes is one of the first signs that you’re not as young as you used to be. One day you are able to read the labels in the grocery store and then all of a sudden, you can’t tell a 3 from an 8 or a 1 from a 7 on anything. You start to hold things further away from your face and, as time passes and your focal mechanism grows even weaker, you begin to realize how grateful you are for the invention of cheap reading glasses! You need to buy them cheap, because you need a pair just about everywhere you plan to be. Thus the reason many people wear them on a chain around their neck.
I have a collection of reading glasses now and I’m considering buying myself a chain for Christmas. My collection includes my zebra striped ones in the bathroom where I get ready every morning, because I can no longer read the directions on my hair products or tell if I’ve got lip liner or eye liner in my hand without them.
I have a purple pair by my bed for those times that I feel like reading a few minutes before drifting off.
I have a pinkish/purplish pair on my calendar in the kitchen, a purple sparkly pair in the car and a couple brown pairs in the living room – one on each side of the couch. And there is supposed to be a pair in my purse, but I realized I had left them somewhere the other day when I was in a book store and all of a sudden realized I couldn’t read any of the merchandise or even tell what the price was on any particular book without those glasses. Of course, book stores sell reading glasses, so I thought about just "trying on" a pair of those while looking over books, but I wasn’t brazen enough. Thought I’d look a little odd standing by the shelves with a tag hanging off my head.
So that brings me to my problem with Troy. For awhile, I was in this eye-changing mode all alone in our house. Whenever I picked up a pair of reading glasses to read something, I could set them back down and know that they’d be right where I left them the next time I needed them.
Then, all of a sudden over this past year, I’ve noticed that my reading glasses move … and this is not because my eyes are getting even worse.
Take, for instance, the other night. I knew that I had a pair of reading glasses lying next to my calendar on the counter, because I always leave them there. But, while trying to read a recipe, I couldn’t find them anywhere. When I asked my husband if he might have used them and/or moved them, he got this indignant look on his face. "I never use your reading glasses. I have no idea where they are."
Never uses my glasses – please. I hate to tell him how totally girly he looked when he grabbed my purple-striped pair to read something one night. He didn’t think I saw him, but I did. And then I noticed that another one of my pairs was on the computer desk after he got done using the computer. And I caught him looking ridiculous one morning wearing my zebra-striped pair to read a pill bottle in the bathroom. He insisted it was an emergency use because the writing was really small on that bottle.
Obviously, he’s crossed the same middle-age bridge I’ve crossed, but hasn’t been willing to buy his own spectacles yet! Guess what Santa’s got on his list for Troy this year? Welcome to my world, honey!
(Marlys Barker is editor of the Nevada Journal and Tri-County Times.)